In Sickness and In Health
“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” I remember saying those words so many years ago.
Do any of us really know in the beginning, what keeping that promise will actually entail? Life is a grand adventure in the “better, richer, healthy” parts, but the parts I’m most thankful for are the “worse, poorer, and sickness” parts. These times are when I’ve grown the most–when we’ve grown the most. These times test our patience, test our faith, and force us to dig deep inside ourselves searching for ways to make things work.
There’s a line in the movie McLintock where John Wayne (G.W. McLintock) is explaining to Stephanie Powers (his daughter Becky) why he’s only leaving her a small portion of what he owns when he dies. He says, “The real reason, Becky, is because I love you, and I want you and some young man to have what I had, because all the gold in the United States Treasury and all the harp music in heaven can’t equal what happens between a man and a woman with all that growin’ together. I can’t explain it any better than that.”
My dad told me once that he didn’t know how it could be, but he loved my mother so much more than he did when they got married and in ways he never dreamed possible.
That’s what happens with all that “growin’ together.” That’s what happens through years of better and worse. That’s what comes of struggles shared. Trips to the emergency room. Layoffs. Surgeries. Life.
Love starts off like a peach blossom. It bursts open and you just want to get close to it; to see its beauty, to smell its fragrance, to be in its presence. So you get married and have children and the blossom falls away as your life gets complicated and one of you gets laid off just as the other one finds out she’s pregnant.
Although you still love each other, it’s not always so pretty. There’s vomit on your favorite sweatshirt, dishes that need washing, overtime for braces, and where are we spending Thanksgiving–for starters. And then there’s the big stuff.
One day you realize that “I’m still here, aren’t I?” is actually a good answer to “Do you love me?”
Years later, after all that “growin’ together,” you find, in that spot where the beautiful peach blossom bloomed and died, a peach–the fruit that sprang from that small, beautiful blossom–which has been there all along, ripening into something sweeter and more delicious than you ever could imagine.
As many of you know, I was absent for a few weeks because my husband had to go to the emergency room. He started off with the flu and it progressed to bronchitis. So we went to the doctor. The first antibiotics didn’t help so we went back to the doctor and got a second round of stronger ones. He spent a week on those, and actually seemed worse. So we went to the ER and found out he had pneumonia and some blood clots–one in his leg and two in his right lung.
He was admitted and we stayed almost a week.
Had we not gone to the hospital when we did, this could have been the end of our story. He was released on our 39th anniversary. After we got home and I got him settled in, I went to town and picked up his favorite pizza. We ate supper together, he in his recliner and me stretched out on the couch feeling so lucky, content in the knowledge that we still have more time to spend together.
I don’t know how it can be, but I love my husband so much more than I did when we got married and in ways I never dreamed possible.
Do you have a view of love that is different than when you were younger? Share with us in the comments.
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Just….. Wow. Nicely said. I hope your husband has a speedy recovery.
Jim, thanks so much. He’s getting better every day. The weather is getting warmer, the days are getting longer, he’ll be out and about in no time!
Dear Carol – I’m so sorry you had to go through this ordeal. You have such a great attitude, which I’m sure is partly the temperament you were born with, with a good dose of your parents’ attitudes that were imparted to you. I’m so glad this story has a happy ending. I was a little worried when I saw the title.
As you know, I’ve been struggling with an invisible, chronic illness for a while, and I often think of the toll it takes on Ira’s life as well. I have learned what a very lucky woman I am to have found and married such a wonderful man. He remains positive and truly believes we will find a cure, he picks me up when my determination falters, and he supports me in every way possible. I’m glad to be better enough that we are both able to do some of the things we love again. But my favorite time of day is evening, when we sit together by the fire. And I think, “How lucky am I?”
Still waiting for the snow to melt so the crabapples can bloom!
Nancy, I don’t know about Ira, but I’d bet he’d say the same thing as I say: being the healthy spouse who gets to help the struggling spouse has so many rewards of its own. I often feel like I’m the lucky one. To know someone loves you enough to let you in when they’re at their most most vulnerable is huge. It speaks volumes for the strength and depth of your relationship. I’m so glad you’re feeling somewhat better and you two can do a few more “normal” things! Post a picture when the crabapples bloom…that’s a picture I’d love to see!
Beautifully written!! Loved this. Prayers for continued healing.
Thanks for the prayers, Cindy, and thanks for reading. I’m glad you liked it!
Very beautifully said Carol. I know how you feel, we have been married a long time, some good and some not so good but I love my husband more and more every day. We have had so many health problems in the last few years, Junior broke his back in 2 places and his sternum (probably spelled wrong) and a bad ankle sprain Dec12th. I had just got out of the hospital 2 days before. We become closer every day. He is my love, best friend and everything else. The saying is so true for better or worse, richer or poorer. Believe me we have been through it all but we are closer and happier than ever. Thank you so much for posting this. You are one of a kind and I love you and thank you for being my friend.
Lynn, I love you too and I pray for y’all every day. It’s comforting having someone with you for the long haul. I know your medical stuff has been crazy, and I’m so glad you have each other. Hang in there, there’s one more person in this relationship and He’s got a handle on everything! God bless you my friend!
Carol,
What a beautiful writing. So thankful your husband and you weathered this storm and are once again back home feeling better and safe. May you two have many more blessed years together.
Love,
Susan
Thank you Susan. We are happy to be home and Michael’s getting a bit better every day. We appreciate each new day we have together and know how blessed we are! Love to you…Carol
Loved reading what you had to say. Needed those words at this time. Love you.
Love you too. So glad this post spoke to you. Hope you’re doing well…miss you!
I still think that true love is hard to find. You have to be very lucky to find a person who is thankful to receive your love – and will return it. Thankfulness and love seem to belong together, they fulfill each other to happiness. Christianity says that true love means giving without expecting anything in return. But will we really be able to do everything to make our partners happy – without feeling their love and thankfulness in return?? I really think that most loving relationships eventually will have to deal about each others needs and wishes – and be thankful to fulfil them as good as possible 🙂 I think that’s what love and happiness are made of.