The Grandmother I Didn’t Get
As most of you who have grandchildren know, there is nothing like the love you have for those beautiful babies as they’re growing up. It’s not more or less than I love my own children, it’s just different.
First, being older and (hopefully) wiser, it’s not as daunting as having and raising my own children was.
Second, it’s not my job to raise them-that’s their parents’ job. It’s only my job to love them.
And then there’s something special about building a trust and a bond with each child and actually having the time to nurture it, to experience it growing and flourishing without having to worry about band practice and dentist appointments.
My oldest two grandkids were able to know my parents-their great grandparents. I’m so grateful for that. That’s something I missed out on. Not just being able to know my great grandparents, but hearing stories about them from my grandparents.
My grandfather came to this country when he was only 18. His parents stayed in Poland. I have no idea if he ever saw them again.
My grandmother’s parents came to the States with their seven children and then had my grandmother and one more son here. What was it like for her growing up?
~~~
This is me, in the middle. The short one in the white dress.
My grandmother, on the right side of the picture, took me shopping for that dress for my First Communion back in 1964, the year this picture was made.
My mom usually made our dresses, but dad was not yet home from the hospital where he’d been for almost six months (find out why), so grandma took me to buy what I needed.
What I remember of that day was fun. We went shopping in Buffalo to pick out a dress and a veil, the slip, the shoes. I think she even took me to lunch.
It was the only day of its kind that I remember.
~~~
My grandmother, to me, seemed to be a stoic woman. Severe, even.
I have memories of wanting to help her with the dishes when I was quite young. She wouldn’t let me.
Grandpa would hand me a dishtowel and we’d dry the silverware together. He made that “our” special thing.
Even though I loved her, and I’m sure she loved us, I grew up thinking that grandma didn’t like us kids very much.
Truth is, in this picture, six months after her twelfth and final grandchild was born, she was seventy-one years old. She was probably tired.
And she died when I was sixteen, seven years after my grandfather died. I never got to know them as an adult.
I wish I’d asked more questions. I’ve discovered so much in the last several years.
Her family wasn’t well established here when she was born like I’d assumed. They were practically fresh off the boat from the old country.
The times were different and she’d had a hard life.
Oh, but how I’d love to sit down with her now and talk about life, hers and mine. To know how she felt about things, what it was like for her growing up, the wonderful men her sons (my father and my two uncles) turned out to be, the legacy of the family she built.
I’ve gathered a lot of facts about her life-where she lived, who else lived in the house, when she got married-but facts can’t tell me how she felt about her experiences.
So I share stories of my growing up with my grandchildren.
I share them while we’re gardening.
I share them while we’re making spaghetti sauce from real tomatoes with basil I sent them out to pick from the garden.
I share them while we’re cleaning out the barn.
I share them because once I’m gone, all that’s left is the facts.
~~~
I’ve tried, over the years (my oldest grandchild turns fourteen this May) to have fun with my grandchildren and make sure they feel the love that I have for each of them. To let them know the people they come from. To support them in whatever direction they choose to go.
I didn’t get that grandma when I was a kid, and that’s ok. I got the one who gave my father life which allowed me to be here, the one I was supposed to have.
Still, I’ve lovingly tried to be the grandmother I didn’t get.
~~~
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Means a lot to read your work. So fun to share what we do know about our people. My maternal grandmother died when I was 2. The others had been long passed. If I knew at age 14 that I should be picking my father’s brain I sure would have. Oh how I wish I had, how I wish I had. Thanks for the joy Carol. Your grandchildren will be thankful for the memories you shared along with love you gave.
Thanks, Lorri! I hope my grandkids remember the stories and the love. And I’m so sorry you didn’t even know your grandparents. That makes me a little sad.
Mom and dad told family stories but I would have loved to have heard some of my grandparents’ stories directly from them. I think their generation (they were both born in the late 1800s) lived through so many hardships that looking back wasn’t something they did often. Maybe it was enough to get through it and move on. They still had all three kids at home during the great depression, two sons went to war during WW2, who knows what else they survived.
It’s a shame we don’t think to ask while they’re still here with us…
I’m still piecing things together, though. But looking forward to seeing them again and having a good chat!
“ This is me, in the middle. The short one in the white dress.” Classic caption!!! 😂
I don’t actually remember either of them ever saying a word to me.
Oh, Paulo, I’m glad you appreciate my caption!
Thank goodness the world has changed. That whole “Children should be seen and not heard” thing was really sucky. We were all children at one time or another and when we’re young we need hugging not shushing! ❤
Maybe they were allergic to noise 😉
I wouldn’t be surprised. I am too!
I’ve not seen this! It’s a beautiful story, Carol. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and I learned a lot more about the Lesters! Luke references Gramma and Grampa often and I think because they were older than “y’all”, your grandparents were in the picture for a longer period of time and made a different impact. I had no idea that Gramma had eight siblings!
As you say, there are regrets about not asking questions of all my relatives which made me tear-up while reading your story. It touched my heart. You are being the best gramma ever and it shows—it certainly sounds like you’re doing all the right things! Love you, Carol.
Ginny
Thank you Ginny for your kind words. You’re so sweet-I just love you!
I was looking for information about Aunt Helen when I found all of Grandma’s siblings and when her parents came to the States. Aunt Helen’s mother was Grandma’s oldest sister.
When Aunt Helen’s father died (when she was 10) it appears that they moved back in with her parents and the siblings who were still living there. Grandma was just 17. I’m assuming she had the responsibility of taking care of the children as her sister went to work.
When Aunt Helen was 17, her mother died leaving her and her three brothers orphaned. Her closeness with Grandma is probably why she always stayed close to our branch of the family and I’m so glad she did. I dearly loved her, as I’m sure we all did!
I’d like to bring some of my research to NY in August. I’m hoping to get some insight!
Love you and Luke…c
Carol, this is one of my favorite writings. I have so many thoughts and apologize in advance for how long I know my response is going to be. Haha! As you know, I have no children but I am an Aunt and great aunt to 23 children and the Lord sent a family into my life 8 years ago. They are my God given children and grandchildren. I am Mama Susan to Ashley and Chris and like an aunt and grandmother to their children, Taylor, Elijah, Everly and Teagan. I know for a fact God sent them into my life. I love being that aunt and grandmother like figure. I was so fortunate to know three of my grandparents. I have thanked the Lord many times that I had them in my life as long as I did and the many things I learned from them have never been forgotten. The only one I did not know was my daddy’s father. He was born in 1890 and died in 1948 of cancer. He was a farmer and owned the general store and the movie theater in Edison, GA. My own daddy and his brothers ran the movie projector and snack counter. He said it was 10 cents for the movie and 5 cents for coke and popcorn. My daddy’s mother, we called Mama Manry, was born in 1899 and died in 1989 when I was age 28 years of age. She was 89 when she died. She bore 10 children with two dying at birth. She was 4 foot 10 inches tall and all her babies weighed over 10 lbs and she had them all at home and was up very soon taking care of the house and children. She was a great cook and made the best yeast rolls from scratch and always had homemade cookies to eat. She had a beautiful yard and flowers and always had the biggest garden I have ever seen each year. She grew strawberries too. She could lean over and not only touch her toes but put her hands flat on the floor until her last days. She had a great laugh and a wonderful sense of humor. She asked me one time did I know what bed posts were for? I said no. She said they were there to hang your nightgown on after you got married because you didn’t need to wear anything to bed then. Hahaha. Yes she was talking about sex. We have laughed about that story for years. She was hilarious. We lived 20 miles from her and went every Sunday after church to spend the day with her. Of course other aunts, uncles and cousin would often come. What great memories! Her name was Sallie Belle Isler Manry. My mother’s parents were Gordon Lee Brooks, born in 1896 and died in 1974 which I was 12 years old. My grandmother, Irene Virginia Catherine Kendrick Brooks (don’t know why she had three names), was born in 1897 and died in 1995 at age 98. I was 34 when Grandmother died. I laughed when you used the word stoic. Unlike my Mama Manry, who was a hoot, my mother’s parents were very stoic. My granddaddy attended Mercer University in Macon, GA in 1915-1919. He studied religion and was a Baptist preacher until his death. He always wore a suit, tie and a hat daily and had a gold pocket watch on a chain with the chain hanging out of his pocket. He ironed his suits with a crease down the front of the pants. He always went around picking up trash off floors and lint off anybody’s floors, had false teeth and after meals would go outside to the water spigot and wash his teeth out. He had raw peanuts in a box in their utility room and every time he passed that box he would eat a handful. He was very mindful in that day of his health. He was always thin and ate barley, oats and wheat back then when everybody was eating all fat and fried foods. He also put cornbread in a glass of buttermilk and drank it daily. He was a scholar of the bible. He started and preached at many churches in GA and FL. He was a very humble, smart, stoic individual and a brilliant writer and poet. After my grandmother died we found many index cards which my granddaddy typed his thoughts and poems on. He had two heart attacks and the day he passed away, they revived him once and when he came to he told my mother and grandmother who were there by his bed, “how beautiful it was over there and how bright it was. He said I almost made it but will make it soon”. Of course he was talking about heaven. My grandmother came to live with us in Blakely after he died in 1975. I was 13. She had her own little apartment attached to my parents home. She went to college for two years in 1915 and 16 while my granddaddy was in school and studied english and religion. How many women went to college in that day? Talk about smart. She was brilliant. She could grow anything and had the most beautiful yard and flower beds and worked everyday outside in a skirt and blouse except on Sunday. She could use an axe and could fix and build anything. I have three wooden tables on my porches that she built from wood she cut. She could sew, crochet, tat, knit, quilt. She could make anything. Her quilts were shown at many arts and crafts festivals and in the 70’s a man offered her $10,000 for all her quilts. She turned him down. I am fortunate to have two of those quilts and one is made from my mothers dresses she wore in the 30’s. She had two children, my mama and my uncle, who was also a preacher. Talk about a student of the bible. She knew it front to back and even could tell you lineages of families and their names and who begot who from her head from the old testament. She was amazing. You never played bible trivia with her. She was also an avid Scrabble player and often played by herself. She played 4 hands naming them north, south, east and west. She also used words none of us knew and she was right every time. She grew up dirt poor and told me one time that she got her first doll at age 8. Before that all they got for Christmas was apples and oranges and candy. They even dried the peels and ate them and planted the seeds. She said her father paid $5.00 for that doll. It was a china doll she named Alma. Over the years she made a new body for Alma and used her own hair to replace the hair. My sister has that doll today. I was fortunate to see her everyday throughout my high school days. I learned a great deal from her. So you see Carol, I was so fortunate to know three of my grandparents. I learned many life lessons from them. I hope that I can pass on some things to my nieces, nephews and God grandchildren like mine did to me. Sorry so long my friend. It just kept flowing out of my fingertips. You have put a smile on my face with all my remembrances of them. Thank you.
What wonderful memories you have of your grandparents! You are very lucky! Now I see where your love of gardening comes from. Another great gift from your grandmothers! And how awesome that you have received the gift of motherhood and grandmother-hood where you can complete the circle of love. Thanks for sharing your grandparents! I thoroughly enjoyed it! ❤
I’m glad you enjoyed it. Yes I count my blessings daily that I knew three grandparents. Just sorry so long. Have a wonderful rest of your week.
You too! ❤