Emotional Wisdom

Emotional wisdom is something we gain from experiencing emotions and living life.

When we take the time to identify exactly what we’re feeling and understand why we feel the way we feel, we grow in knowledge of ourselves.

When we use this knowledge to help us understand and empathize with others, we grow in wisdom.

When we’re born, unable to express our unhappiness, discomfort, pain, sleepiness, and loneliness with words, we cry.

As we get a little older, instead of crying, we might slip into bed with a parent or sibling in the middle of the night when we’re feeling lonely.

Or call our grandma.

My middle grandchild called me one night. He wasn’t feeling well and I’ve always told the grand-babies that they can call me any time.

On the night I got the phone call from him, everyone else in his house was already asleep and he felt very alone. We talked for over an hour.

He finally got tired enough that he thought he could fall asleep. I told him if he needed me again, I’m only a phone call away.

As I waited up in case he called again, I marveled at the fact that at ten, he understood what he was feeling and did something about it.

I think that’s a great start.

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When I was a kid, I had the longest hair of all the girls in my family. Once, when my mom was cutting all us girls’ hair, I kept pestering her not to cut mine shorter than the other girls.

I guess I had an emotional investment in my status of having the longest hair. It was a sense of pride and maybe made me feel like I stood out from the others.

When mom got to me (I was last, of course), she grabbed my ponytail and, in a fit of frustration, whacked it off.

I was mortified.

By the time she evened it all out, I had the shortest hair.

I felt so angry, upset, hurt, humiliated, furious, sad, frustrated, ashamed, horrified, unloved, offended, and just plain crushed.

After all, I had told my mother a THOUSAND times NOT to cut my hair too short.

I blamed her in advance for all the failures and humiliations I was about to suffer.

She had taken away my special-ness. My claim to fame as it were. I wasn’t the sister with the really long hair anymore and I didn’t want to be the sister with the really short hair.

It took me a while to get over that one, but these are the kinds of experiences that help us grow.

Eventually, I realized that my hair would grow back.

Eventually, I understood my role in my mother’s frustration–the reason she whacked off my ponytail.

Eventually, I decided that I wouldn’t let it stand in the way of a good bike ride, tree climb, or game of kickball.

I learned that my friends wouldn’t stop being my friends (at least not the REAL ones) because my hair was short.

I learned not to worry about what other people would think of me.

I learned that just because I didn’t like my haircut, didn’t mean I couldn’t be happy for my sisters who got the haircuts they wanted.

All the emotions I experienced as I grew and even now, the way I experience emotions as I age, feed into my self-knowledge, my empathy for others, and my emotional wisdom.

I know to separate myself from toxic relationships.

I can give and receive help.

I only worry about what I, and the people I love, think of me.

I have learned to pause and take a breath before reacting in an emotional situation.

I’ve learned not to compare myself to others. I just try to be my best self.

I have a true love for people and a true desire to be kind as much as I can.

I recognize myself in others. I have a deep capacity for empathy.

It has taken me sixty-three years to get to this point, and there’s still so much to learn.

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